A GUIDE TO CHENNAI'S EMOTIONS.

Life comes with all shades of emotions-the green jealousy, the blue sadness, the black resistance, the yellow joy, the red boldness, the purple royalty etc and if you want to see all of these together-

WELCOME TO CHENNAI.

Starting from my radio alarm early in the morning which goes “Hellloooooooooo Chennai kaya moya kaya moya kaalaile coffee kaya moya moya Gemini Bridge samme traffic kaya moya kaya moya moya”- I’m looking back to the times when the radio channels actually played music and make a mental note to switch to the good old “gadigaram” from today.I move out of my bed and I hear my neighbor Aunty shouting at her kids in spite of their pleas “Amma five nimits ma pleeaaase. Please Amma” (Poor kids. Thank God I started working).

Then my sister ,who has to catch the college bus at 6.30 A.M is packing her record notes into her bag with one hand while talking on the phone  with the other -“Hey where is the bus?...What it crossed Loyola college huh?.....Please ask driver to wait de…. Pleaseee”

Then my Dad who is the kind of person who can find adventure even in mediocre things runs out to get his bike and says “Come fast. We can chase the bus” while my sister follows him out with my mom running behind her back with the tiffin box and doesn’t make it in time to give it to my sister. She hurries back, sees me drinking my coffee and shouts at me “Can’t you see she left her tiffin box? Can you take your bike and chase your dad?”

I partially convince her that there is a unit called “canteen” in the college and that my sister would be able to get herself a “decent” lunch (God, please forgive me for lying ).I try to avoid all the voices drilling my head and try to keep myself under the surface.

And then –THE RUSH HOUR.

In Chennai, Rush Hour can be defined as the time during which an Innova car, an Avenger bike, an Auto and two Splendours try to enter a gap between the lorry and the bus all at the same time or the time during which the policeman, the zebra-crossing pedestrian, the bus driver and the unemployed lungi clad passer-by start having a bad-worded conversation in the middle of the four road junction.

Can anything get worse? Apparently it can. I’m what they call “the girl in the guys’ bike” and I’m certainly not the exaggerating type. To all those friends who feel that me driving the Hero Honda Splendour is the coolest thing that you can tell your mom’s over dinner-there’s more to it than coolness. And to that friend who said that “Thank God you’re from Chennai and not from a conservative village like me “-this post is for you. That conservative village is better than the pretentious Chennai.  I can prove that with the following case studies

CASE 1: YOUNG MEN

COMMENT: “Take a look Machan. This is Chennai” and they try to break, skid, do Snake Babu Stunts causing commotion on the road and they go vroom vroom vrooooooooooooo*&^%#$#@ Wham* 

Their eight has just become seven and a half!

CASE 2: MIDDLE AGED MEN

COMMENT: “Don’t know where the country is leading us to” (with a sad sigh)-but sorry Uncle ,until and unless you’re the President I feel you need not torture yourself with your visions for the country.

CASE 3: OLD MEN

COMMENT: “Dear why do you need such a big vehicle?”- I’m sorry Sir, it’s all I got but I would be glad to see you sponsor for a new scooter.

NOTE: Case 1,Case 2 and Case 3 has no much difference-they are all just boys categorised in the above manner purely based on the amount of hair on their head and their degree of baldness.

I have seen a lot of men driving a pink Scooty Pep but it has never affected me personally. I somehow get through this rush hour running a favorite song in my head and reach my office. It starts all over again.

With the above rate it’s no doubt that 1 in 5 adults in Chennai have hypertension or BP. So how do you manage without giving into the emotions around you? You can follow my take it easy policy that I have stated below

-When someone is screaming at you just recite to yourself “I’m not going to get the Hypertension. I’m not going to get the Heart attack never ever never ever ever ever ever ever”

-If someone shouts a bad word at you on the road, think to yourself “Kanna bad works speaking na bad tension coming and you getting bad nurse put BP tablet into the bad mouth ehaa ha ha”

-With the summer on the way these emotions are going to run high along with the sweat and hypertension. So before leaving home drink chilled moar or watermelon juice and don’t forget to wear your deodorant.

- And if everything else goes out of hand just imagine the person screaming before you do the gangnam style.

 OPPA GANGNAM STYLE!